Mama Trauma

I ran into my friend Judy coming out of the dry cleaners the other day. She was a mess. The dark circles under her eyes had pockets. She alternated between yawning and sniffling into a handful of tissues. She had developed this twitch where she would clutch her throat and gasp. Her son Trevor, on the other hand, was gurgling and flirting with every woman in the mini-mall. He sat in the car seat, smiling and drooling and waving like the Mayor. "Judy," I cautiously asked, "are you okay?" Sniff. "I'm fine." Yawn. "You look a little out of sorts," I ventured. "Did Trevor keep you up last night?" She looked panicked. "You live three miles away. Don't tell me you heard him, too." Clutch. Gasp. I gestured to a small bench outside the ice cream parlor. "Judy, sit down. Heard him do what?" "Scream. He was screaming for thirty minutes at a time. Some of the neighbors called to see if we needed the police. One actu...

My husband and I have always been late-to-bed, later-to-rise people. That's just one of the reasons we got along so well. My close friend, who was pregnant simultaneously, has always been an early-to-bed type. She delivered 11 hours before I did. We should have switched babies. When you're pregnant, your baby gets used to a schedule I call China time, a cruel trick of nature. The fetus sleeps while you're active because your movements rock it to sleep. But when you lie down and put your feet up for a bit of rest, the fetus wakes up and starts cranking. Therefore, once the baby is born, forget sleep. Whenever you want to sleep, your baby wants to play. Sleep becomes a faint memory. You learn to nap. Nap is not sleep. Sleep is when your conscious brain shuts off for six to nine uninterrupted hours. Sleep as you once knew it will elude you for the rest of your life. Nap is when your body shuts down for refueling and repairs. However, one part...